All these years, they have been wanting me to join them but I had always been a volunteer only and was quite hesitant to involve more. It just didn't feel right at the time. But this time, after much praying and conversation with myself and JP, I said yes. And with each day go by, I feel more and more a sense of belonging.
The peak of that feeling was yesterday when I was introduced to Huang, the famous director/producer originally from Taiwan. J told me I would like him even before she brought him to the office. She was right. I met with him for almost 4 hours and it was already dark when I left the office. I don't think I have ever been around anyone and felt that kind of freedom to be myself. I sensed that he was totally not afraid of people judging him and in him I saw God's creation. We are uniquely and mysteriously and wonderfully and fearfully made. Each one with our own miniature reflection of who our maker is, if I may say so without thinking too much if this is theologically correct. And I was quite delighted in the way He made me, and acutely felt the appreciation, both from Him and from myself, only yesterday. I don't think this is the same as confidence or self esteem. This is about knowing your "position" in life according to His plan. Like an infantry soldier, when lined up for roll call, or for battles, you feel "right" only if you are where you are assigned to be. You will function the best, and you will work with others as a team the best, and you will find the most satisfaction out of living, when you are there. Only I can take this spot. I was made to stand here.
It almost felt like coming out of the closet. I remembered how Dad named me 夢, when J wrote my name on a piece of paper for Huang to see. I don't know when this dream would finally come true, who would be in it and what it would be like, but yesterday I felt the anticipation.
All I can say is, I want to give thanks.
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