I diminished and He increased.
There was something about her that I had been trying to put my finger on but couldn't. It was obvious tonight. She is so... together on the outside. Proper in her manners; well groomed even when she was exhausted from work and school; good English usage and clear pronunciation; hands neatly folded on her lap; checks always made out prior to her session so she could give it to me in the beginning of our time; always ample time of notice for any cancellation or rescheduling which are rare. She never seems out of sort. One time I was about one minute late and she asked if I needed time to gather myself. Friendly and receptive and seemingly open minded and eager to learn about herself. Pays full fee. A "good" client. But I didn't think we were going anywhere, until tonight.
We talked about the many losses she had gone through and she tried to stay together by pushing her tears back. I said to her, "I saw tears but you seem to have pushed them back... " And she asked the question, "Why cry?I don't want to feel broken." And God spoke to her through His own word, "...so you shall be comforted." She looked at me and said "I like that..." softly. We both sat there quietly like two little kids, in awe of the Master's powerful but gentle presence.
Feeling broken is a place she doesn't want to be. But feeling broken is where she needs to be before she could love more deeply. When she first came to therapy, she talked about how she wanted to love her family more. When she found herself unable to feel, especially around her mother, who divorced her father when she was 8, she was... curious, almost concerned, for herself. She doesn't want to be angry with her mother but wants to just love her, even though her mother's many decisions seem to have been causing her grief, among other decisions and changes the family had gone through after the divorce.
So my together client decided she could be broken tonight. And that's how her healing would start.
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