Dear Al

Dear Al,

you asked about the psychology of making one's private life public by having a blog. without thinking too much, :-) I want to say bloggers yearn for connection, of some kind, with people. You asked about is a transparent person "healthier" than a private person. I would think a person with no boundary and shares everything indiscriminately lacks self respect, but that's just to put it simply. Besides, no one can be completely transparent, as no one knows his/her heart's true condition and we can't choose to reveal what we don't know is there. I share your concern and I don't want my readers to necessarily know everything about me. I stopped writing for a while exactly because I was struggling with the idea that someone is reading my diary!! I came back to write again, believing there is a way to connect with those who happen to be reading, but also to have healthy boundary that I reserve the more intimate sharing for those who are closer to me.

it just fascinates me that we all have this strong desire to be known. sometimes I hate having this desire because it makes me vulnerable. we can easily be misunderstood. Nothing hurts me more than to be misunderstood. I remember as a young Christian years back, I told myself Jesus was misunderstood by the multitude as a way to comfort myself when I was disappointed by the response I got from people, whose empathy and approval I needed as a young person. The desire is still there. I still feel vulnerable. The difference is I have learned that the need to feel connected will never go away for as long as I am human, and feeling vulnerable also comes with the territory so why feel surprised. I have gotten better, however, at identifying who are the safe people that I can reveal more of myself to and I have learned also to grieve in Christ that things are not the way they are supposed to be and comes with the desire to feel connected is the possibility of getting hurt when we fail to connect. This will only change when He returns and rules again. Until then, such is life. I need to learn to continue to love in spite of this because there is no other way.

什麼可以寫、什麼不可以寫。寫的動機是什麼？這是戰戰兢兢的問題。謝謝你的問題、讓我又有東西可以想。我真的認為、there is no such thing as "think too much." :-)

今天早上心裡覺得慌、我現在知道、這種感覺就是靈裡面的飢渴、需要上帝的話語來餵養。需要在祂面前安靜、聽他對我說話。以前我不懂、總在這種時後採取錯的行動來幫助自己覺得好點。可能是email朋友、可能是做家事、可能是。。。寫blog! 可能是吃東西! (oh, my gosh!) 現在我知道來到主前、安靜聽話、少說兩句。聽祂的聲音、simply be a mere conscious human being, stripped of everything I think I possess. 我想這就是聖經中所說的blessed are the poor吧。I want to be poor for Him. 這種慌的感覺常常是存在於許多忙碌的moment中。在忙與忙的空隙中、它讓我們想用更忙來驅走它。結果是惡性循環。I thank the Lord for a quiet morning before I go to work. I thank Him for giving me 可以想的腦筋、可以感受的心靈、可以知道祂的存在的靈。