Where to Find A Good Friend?

I wish when I tell you something that bugs me, you could listen and listen well.

That means you don't judge me. Please don't say things like, "How could you have done that?" or worse, "How dumb!" "You are crazy!" and worst of all, "I told you."

I know you know more than I do. I know you want the best for me. (From your point of view, though.) I know you hate to see me hurt. I know you want to save me from headaches and heartaches. I know you want me to be tough so you don't have to feel sorry for me. I know you think you are doing the right thing as a good friend. What you don't know is, you are not living my life, and you can not be responsible for the consequences that I will have to face.

I know when you hear me talk about stuff that bugs me, you will have all sorts of thoughts and feelings. But this moment is not about you. This moment is also not about proving yourself to be the right one. This moment is not about what YOU want to say, to hear, to do, or to want to see happen. It's about me wanting to tell someone something. That simple.

You maybe wiser, and you may be logically right. Or you simply are right. But that does not change the fact you are not the owner of the problem. And you have no right to make other people's decisions for them.

I am not saying you can't say what is "right." But then, what is "right?" I can sense it when you just want to push your own agenda and impose yourself on me. If you want to prove to me I am wrong and you are right, you will probably win the debate, but in the end, proving yourself right can cost you our friendship. Would you still want that? I can say to you, "yes, you are right, after all. And I am wrong. " in the end, but I may also decide never to tell you things about me any more.

To listen well is a process of denying the self. In order to listen to well, we need to suspend all our thoughts, withhold judgements, and govern our emotions so we don't project them onto our venting friend. We need to give the person total respect, and trust that they have all the resources within themselves to decide for themselves. Even if they don't, but as long as they think they do, we should refrain from jumping the gun and encourage the person and empower him/her to solve her own problems. Even if your friend begs for your advices, we need to be careful in giving out advices regarding someone else's life. You will know if they truly want your input and if you don't know, you are not a good friend in the first place. All the more reason for you to say nothing and just listen. See how much you can learn about your friend by listening and listening to understand, not listening to find where the pause is so you can take over and show off how well you know about your friend's predicament, and how rich your resources are and use that time to feel good about yourself and feel important and useful.

Too often, we think we know. Too often when we tell a friend in suffering the should's and shouln't's in their lives, we feel morally superior. Too often, we think we are God and can judge. Knowing right from wrong is not the same as judging. I need a friend who understands the difference.

Speaking the truth in love. We are to speak the truth as God's children. Sometimes we pay a price for speaking the truth. But when it comes to your friend's maladies, understanding, respect, mercy, hope and readiness to lay down your life for your friend, lay the pathway for truth to come forth.

No wonder I find no friend anywhere like that. I only find such friend in Jesus. And there is only one Jesus. How can I not love Him and need Him?