Goodbye, Mazda6

Returned Mazda6 today.

As I was waiting outside the dealership office for the ride back home, I looked at it one last time. A lone car under the afternoon sun, in the customer parking lot. I said goodbye to it, and felt very sad. That's when I realized this car had been "mine" and mine only, for the past two years. I didn't know saying goodbye to something you own can feel this way, because I didn't think I had owned anything by myself prior to the divorce. The Mazda was the first and the only thing that I decided to own(lease) and then say goodbye to.

Everything else, the previous cars, the house and whatnot, had been owned by me but for some reason, didn't feel like mine and therefore when I needed to part with them, it was easy. No sad feelings. I think because I didn't make the decision to acquire them in the first place, I never felt they were mine.

But Mazda was different. I made the sole decision to lease it, and I was the only one driving it and taking care of it. I made sure it was clean on the inside and I made sure it smelled certain ways and I decided on what kind of liquid to use when I washed it. I felt 100% ownership. I was fully responsible for it. It was MINE.

When I look back at my life, I see images, caught in time, like pictures in the album of my memory. Today, Mazda in empty parking lot was added to that album.