(Chinglish blog is a blog still...)
前天去參加一個一天的conference to hear Marsha Linehan talk about "Dialectic Behavioral Therapy and training skills" at UCLA. In a room of about 350 mental health professionals, I counted only a handful of Asian looking people, all women. I ran into a few of them in the lady's room and realized they were all American born, judging by their accent free English. I wonder if that's why no one talked to me, or maybe it's because I wore the face that said "I don't want to talk," and that was really how I felt -- I was there to take in, and I didn't want to talk. Someone at my table tried talking to me by asking me about my agency. After hearing the words "Christian counseling," they politely said, "Cool..." and the conversation stopped. I had a feeling if I had said I was a Zen counselor, they would have been more interested. And we just finished hearing Dr. Linehan talk about "acceptance." Sigh...
Dr. Linehan had us do an exercise on "observe" as part of practicing to be "mindful." She said we could choose anything we had and just look at the thing and pay attention and notice everything about it. Take an interest in it. Observe it. Just take in information and be curious. I thought about what Jesus said about, "要像小孩子的樣式“和進天國。我手上拿的是一支原子筆。端詳了半天。你會想、一支筆友什麼好看。老師還說、拿起來聞聞也可以。我忽然想到、小孩子就是這樣。看看、聞聞、甚至還咬咬。一隻筆可以玩上半天。看了又看。覺得挺新鮮。從來沒見過。不但好奇、還很開心。C.S. Lewis也說、謙卑的人就是對別人有好奇心的人。難怪耶穌說進天國的人都是如此。當我們見多了、我們就不再覺得新鮮、驕傲就慢慢的爬到我們心裡:這有什麼了不起、我看多了。甚至屬神的事情、我們都以為自己懂得了、說“還不就是這麼回事。“ 於是我們不再興奮、不再帶勁、不再想知道。
我端詳著這支筆、想到耶穌的話。
宜箴打電話來。“媽媽、 I just have to call you. I saw this... puppy, 用力地跑去追主人丟的球。so cute..." 一件簡單的事、狗追球、帶給狗、狗主人、宜箴和我、極大的歡愉。
我想、當我們像像孩子一樣為一件單純的事開心、又“用力地跑“ 的時候、我們的主該是開心的看著我們取悅祂。而其他的基督徒、就好比旁觀的宜箴和旁聽的我吧、也會感到無比的joyful 吧。這個用力跑的歡愉、不光是來自於討好主人、而更是在於對這個用力跑的狗狗、追球這件事本身就是充滿刺激、幾乎是本能裡必須要做的事。我希望能像這隻小狗追球一樣、追求神國度的事。
我想做個為耶穌追球的小狗。求主助我卸下年齡帶來的世故、求主助我除去因受傷帶來的設防和不信任、求主助我脫下驕傲、對祂和祂的創造、包括我自己和周圍的人、能天天有好奇、所以雖然日復一日、週而復始、我卻不厭倦人生。“我的肉體雖然衰殘、內心卻一天新似一天。“
Friday, April 2, 2010
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