I saw a woman yesterday (All names and details have been altered to protect the identies of the clients mentioned in my blog. )who had been repeated cheated on by her boyfriend. He would not tell her the truth about his "other" social life, but when he was with her, he treated her so nicely that she felt loved and she put up with the repeated offense.
"Why are you still with him?" I asked, in an attempt to help her see her own doing, and hopefully to expose her unconscious motives to herself. Maybe with her answering this question for herself, she would have an aha moment.
She looked at me, hurt.
Her look told me she felt blamed. Maybe what she heard was... "Why are you still with him!!" "How could you be so blind!!" and all the question marks would sound like exclamation marks!!
I guess I was too eager to help her, still. Without rapport, and without deep understanding of her and her situation, and without tone of voice which conveys concern, questions CAN be taken as blame.
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