A Living Example of Emotional Eating

I was really excited about the permission from next door landlord to do as I wish to plant the area his gardener cleaned out a couple of days ago, which is a narrow strip of ear on his side of the property line, but visually an integral part of the front view of my house. So I headed to the nursery to pick my plants.

After I shopped to my heart's content, and found what I thought would look good for that part of "my" garden, I pulled the wagon to my car to unload. With no assistance from the nursery staff, I needed to stop the wagon from slipping downhill by one hand, and use my other hand to unload the pots to the trunk. I decided my clumsy big handbag needed to be put somewhere to free myself more as it kept sliding down from my shoulder as I bent and straightened myself initially. I put the big purse in the trunk. A funny, but alarming thought came to me, "Just don't lock it in the trunk!" And before I knew it, I was done unloading and shut the trunk!

There I was, feeling naked. No purse. No cell phone. Nada. I didn't even feel I had limbs. Totally stripped! Luckily, just the day before, I decided to put the sticker of roadside assistance where I was instrusted to by the car's user's manual. I read the phone number on the sticker, and repeated it to myself so I wouldn't forget, as I walked back to the nursery to borrow a phone. They were very nice to me and let me use the store phone to call for help. After several rounds of Q and A, I was told to wait by my car.

As I stood on the roadside, straining my neck so as not to miss the tow truck, I noticed my own fleeting thoughts. I thought about what my girlfriends would say about this, and my guy friends. I thought about the fact that i had not had any donuts for a long time now, because there was a big donut sign across from where I was standing. I thought about this and I thought about that. Then I became detached and observed myself thinking these thoughts and decided to "find out" how many different thoughts I could be thinking. But that was impossible because when you tell yourself to observe yourself, you are not you anymore. You become who you think you are and should be. So that was quite funny. I then thought about my Sunday school class tomorrow and trying to form a lesson plan. Might as well make the best use of the wait, which I was told to be up to 50 minutes. But lesson plan was quickly "interrupted" by other irrelevant thoughts. I read the plant labels on different plants on the sidewalk; I paid attention to the traffic flow and noticed some bad drivers, some angry, some indecisive, and some really self-centered. I saw some rich ladies driving shining Mercedez and wondered what their husbands did. It was interesting that the thought that they earned themselves the car never crossed my mind. I then wondered how come I was not one of them.

I also prayed. And wondered what an "appropriate" prayer would be like for moments like this. Should I be praying for the speedy arrival of my rescue? I didn't think that was mature. And I also had a hard time believing that God would mind such trivial business. I found this theology debate with myself interesting, and revealing, of what my beliefs are. But I didn't have time to finish the debate because then the truck came!


"Am I glad to see you!" I told him as I had rehearsed. (I thought he must hear that a lot but decided one could never be appreciated too much.)

Less than one minute after that, I was on my way home.

I decided since I didn't have a good lunch, because I was too cheap to buy and too lazy to cook, and now I was both hungry and dehydrated and emotionally drained, I needed food. Swung by Golden Deli and bought two orders!

Came home, had late lunch, finished one pint of Haagen Daaz ice cream and half a watermelon(small) Nonstop. Now I feel better.

The unexpected. The decision making. The stress of not knowing. The worries. The fear. The helplessness. The powerlessness. They deplete you of emotional and mental energy. To refuel, food is the most convenient. Simple and fast.

Luckily, my weight can allow such occasional impulsive, but satisfying indulgence. But I have learned to respect my physical needs. They are irrational, but powerful. If I ignore them, wrongfully believing that somehow I was not made of flesh and blood, or circumstances make other needs more dire and these physical needs to eat and drink are left unattended, over time, they become so powerful and demanding and it will be very hard, if impossible, to not succumb to them.